


Stranger than Fiction

by dustandroses



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: AtS Related, Character Study, Community: tamingthemuse, Crossover, Episode Related: s05e13 Why We Fight, Ficlet, Gen, Giles' Bathtub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 18:24:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustandroses/pseuds/dustandroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in Giles' bathtub, there really wasn't much to do besides think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stranger than Fiction

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt Notes:** Inspiration for this fic taken from tamingthemuse prompt #386: Nerve Gas  
>  **Notes:** Thanks to Ozsaur for the read-through.

“I should have known it would all come back to haunt me. I never got around to destroying that paperwork, what with the depth charges and all. Fifty years later, it slaps me in the face. Or the back of the head.” 

Spike reached around to touch his head, but he came up short. The chains the Watcher put him in were too short to even let him scratch his bleedin’ nose. 

“Whatever are you prattling on about this time?” The Watcher pranced in all neat and proper, not a tweed colored hair out of place. 

Wasn’t like he really cared what Spike had to say, anyroad, but Spike was bored silly, so he might as well take advantage of the company – if you could call it that.

“It’s come back around, you see? I had the chance to destroy the papers that Nazi creep was so set on defending. All their research on vampires wrapped up in five or six pages of single-spaced typing. The problem was it was all written in Kraut, so I had no idea what it said.” 

The Watcher waved the mug in front of Spike’s face, and he grabbed the straw with his lips, sucking it in as fast as possible. The Watcher and the Slayer both tended to get sidetracked, and they’d end up waving the mug around as they spoke. It left his clothes a sticky mess, so he needed to get it down while he could. Porky Pig. Godawful taste to it, so he was best served to suck it down as fast as possible to avoid the flavor. Too bad it didn’t get rid of the aftertaste. 

“You’re obviously referring to someone of German heritage?” The Watcher sniffed his disapproval. “You would, of course, pick the most revolting stereotype of the German people possible.”

“Yeah, yeah, they haven’t started a world war in close to fifty years, whatever was I thinking? They’re peace-loving, fuzzy little puppies these days, now aren’t they?” Spike mocked. 

“This fellow _was_ a Nazi, right down to the Swastika on his uniform and his snazzy little hat. He was the last of that bunch. The Yanks killed their share when they first captured the sub, but we did in the rest when we took over a few days later. They hadn’t planned on the likes of us.”

“You were on a submarine?” Giles sat down on the edge of the old tub. “Why?” It was a legit question. 

“Not like I wanted to be! Damned Nazis trapped us. They wanted to experiment on us, just like this bunch. One of the Americans was so self-righteous, waving his stars and stripes in our faces. He told us flat out _his_ country would never do something horrid like that, but he was wrong, now wasn’t he?” 

Spike pushed the empty mug away from his face. “The American flag has blood spilt all over it.”

“What did the Nazis want with you?” Giles asked. “Did they use vamps for testing their newest weapons? Nerve gas, perhaps?”

Spike shuddered. He’d seen some footage of what that crap did to human skin. Demon or not, his skin started out human, he had no interest in trying out nerve gas first hand. 

“Nah, they wanted to make an army of undead soldiers to help spread the glory of the Third Reich. Fortunately, the Americans captured the sub, so the Krauts never got a chance to do any testing on me. And since the new guys had no idea who the Nazis had locked up safe in their brig, they didn’t take proper precautions, and we got loose. Had us a good old time of it, until Angelus showed up. Bastard. He sent us packing. Or swimming, as the case was.”

“Angel?” Giles stood, shaking his head as if to clear it. “You’re making this up out of whole cloth, aren’t you? I should know better than to ever listen to a word you say.” He walked out the door, mumbling to himself.

“It’s true, every word of it!” Spike shouted, his smirk poorly hidden. That was the story of his life; the truth was always stranger than the fiction. But it kept things interesting, and that was what was important. When you counted your years in centuries, you took your pleasures where you could find them.


End file.
